egg freezing journey

I know I went MIA on y’all during my egg freezing process… I wasn’t expecting it to hit me the way it did, and in the opposite way I was expecting. How? Well… It made me realize I’m okay with potentially NOT having kids. I’m sure a lot of you thought I was doing this procedure because I obviously really really want kids. Truthfully, I really just wanted the OPTION to have kids if/when that time comes.


I really struggled with whether or not I should do the procedure because I felt like if God wants me to have kids, then He will make it happen. That’s part of the reason I haven’t done it the last 2 years… But now that my numbers went down so much it was medically the best decision.

My biggest concern and fear was having to give myself the daily shots. I’ve always been terrified of needles and get lightheaded with drawing blood or IVs or anything of that sort. Guess what… I gave myself ALL of the shots. The first few days were rough, I’ll admit. More so mentally than actually physically feeling the shot. Although, you can definitely feel the needle and the medicine kind of hurt going into my stomach. I highly recommend getting numbing cream!! However, I will say everyone I spoke with before the process said the shots got super easy after the first few days and they were right.

Surprisingly, I didn’t really have any discomfort. My stomach didn’t get bloated or get very big considering the super high dose of hormone medications I was taking. I know a lot of women who said their stomachs got huge because of how big their ovaries got so big. Clearly you can see in the photos my stomach did get bigger, but I was still able to wear jeans with no problem.

Now let’s talk about the hormones…

Another major thing that was the complete OPPOSITE of what I thought it was going to be. I kind of expected to be bat shit crazy or super emotional, haha. Nope. I felt more depressed than anything. I just wanted the process to be over as quickly as possible, so I didn’t have to think about it anymore.

Also, I think I felt a lot of guilt during the process. I felt guilty that my parents were spending so much money to pay for everything and guilty that I’m fortunate enough to be able to do this egg freezing journey but don’t 100% want children. I got a lot of messages on Instagram from people saying how excited I must be to be able to go through the process, but I was not excited. For any woman going through egg freezing or the full IVF process, I’m sure I can speak for most of us when I say it’s not something we EVER imagined having happened to us.

Now that the egg freezing journey is behind me and the hormones are almost out of my system, I can say I don’t regret it. I’m happy the weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I have the OPTION. Also, I’m beyond thankful the process wasn’t really that bad for me physically. I recovered within a couple of hours the day of my procedure and didn’t have to take any pain medication. I had almost zero pain the following few days and no bloating which is what I expected the most.

How many eggs did I freeze?

More than I was expecting… They retrieved 11 eggs and were able to freeze 8 eggs. Let me explain something though… The egg number could decrease around 20% after each stage of using the eggs for IVF.

8 eggs frozen
20% decrease when unfreezing
20% decrease when fertilizing
20% decrease when implanting

You get the idea…………

Do I still recommend any woman thinking about going through the egg freezing journey to do it? YES. If you have been thinking about it or are older like me (I’m 34 years old…just FYI) then I strongly suggest going to get the blood test done. With the blood test you’ll at least know where you egg count numbers lie so you have the knowledge moving forward either way.

I debated writing this post for a while… However, the Friday night after my procedure I was at a neighborhood restaurant that I don’t ever go to usually. My girlfriend and I were sitting at the bar having dinner, and one of the servers came up to me out of nowhere. She asked if I was an influencer and thought she recognized me because I’ve never been into the restaurant. Then she proceeded to say how much she loves following me because of my REALNESS and HONESTY with my followers. She walked away and I immediately started crying. That’s why I’m sharing this post and being completely honest with you all.

2 Responses

  1. Wow – thank you so much for sharing! I got divorced at 35 with no kiddos, and am now 40. I am also blessed with amazing parents and fam and career, but probably my biggest life sorrow is not being a mom – not feeling that little human life growing inside and having that connection in bringing a life into the world. It’s been a struggle that I’m still not 100% to terms with. But I share all of this bc I have been too afraid to research IVF and egg freeze – afraid bc idk if I can actually do it solo, and afraid at not doing meaning not having my own biological kids. And your post here hasn’t given me insight to something that no one else I know has or is talking about. So I just wanted to convey my appreciation at your unabashed honesty – and let you know I’m one of the many it helped!

    1. Hi Ashley,
      I don’t know where you are at in your feritility journey, but please be assured that there are many options available for women in their forties. Don’t give up on something that you long for.
      Best wishes,

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