Happy LOVE month!! Even though I’ve been single a LOT on Valentine’s Day I do really love the holiday. Mainly because it’s my excuse to buy cupcakes and indulge with no guilty feelings. Plus, now that we have Galentine’s Day it’s reason to celebrate twice: one with the friends you love + one time by yourself because you should always love yourself first! Since we are speaking of LOVE I thought it was a good time to give you all a “dating life” update.
I do talk a LOT about being single on my Instagram account because I know a lot of my followers can relate to being in their 30’s and single… Anyone with me? However, I do have a dating life! I mean I really do need to find a husband sooner than later… BUT, I’m not going to settle.
So first question I’m sure you’re all wondering, “Are you dating someone?”. YES 🙂 It’s been about 5 months now! Next question, “Why hasn’t he been on your Instagram?!”. Well… two reasons. First, he is a very private person and I respect his privacy so I won’t be sharing a lot of details until he is ready. Second, the last time I was dating someone and immediately started putting them on the blog/Insta we broke up real quick and having to answer questions about “what happened?” was too much for me to deal with because I was extremely hurt.
That’s why this post is going to be about the things I’ve learned from dating the last few years AND how I’m taking this relationship a lot differently.
Obviously the two most important men in my life are still these two fur babies!!! I don’t know if I’ll ever love any man as much as these two, haha!
SHOP VALENTINE’S ITEMS
After my last really really bad dating experience and breakup I started seeing a new therapist. BEST DECISION EVER. She is the one who introduced me to the Enneagram Test (totally made him take the test too!), and she has given me some tools to help deal with my anxiety when I’m in a relationship. I’ve always been super secure in every area of my life except dating. I HATE IT. No idea how some people think it’s fun?
I have tried dating apps, but those increase my anxiety even more! Wondering if they are going to like you even before they meet you…ugh. I mean as much as I’d wanted to meet someone the “old fashion way” I did use the apps. However, just when I was having one of those moments where I was done with dating apps that’s when I met this guy. And guess where we met? Starbucks.
I’ve been working from the same Starbucks for almost 5 years now… So when someone new walks in the door you better believe I notice. I definitely noticed this guy because he was so freaking attractive. BUT… Earlier in the year I had fully let go of controlling my dating life and 100% given it to God. That’s why “my word” this year is PATIENCE. So, as much as I wanted to get his attention or try to go say “hi” I told myself, “If God wants me to meet this guy then He will make it happen.”. Can you guess what happened? Yep, he sat down next to me and we started talking.
My therapist had told me about this “90 Day Rule” I should implement when I met and started dating someone. Basically, it’s proven that your brain acts the same way as it would on heroin (crazy high exciting feeling) the first 90 days of dating someone. No wonder it seems like all rainbows and butterflies!!!! After 90 days, the masks come off and real things start to develop OR crash and burn (like my last relationship).
So I told myself that if I started dating this guy the first 90 days were just going to be fun. Just take things slow and keep your guard up. Going into the relationship with this mentality made things SOOOOOOOO much easier! And it made dating fun!
I didn’t let myself go to that point of fantasizing about the future until 90 days were up. I didn’t try to make myself available at any and all times like a sad puppy. And, I didn’t WORRY about being broken up with again.
Okay now what happens after 90 days? Well, the 90 days came and then it passed. We didn’t break up. My feelings were growing stronger. BUT, I still had control. I wasn’t an anxious mess!
We have had some serious conversations, and I will NOT say it’s been easy peasy this entire time. We are very very different people, but we also have some very similar qualities. I am still learning things about him everyday now. And there are things that bug the crap out of me about him, lol. But I think that’s just men in general…right?
I don’t know if he is “the one” yet… But what I DO know is that I like him a lot. We have the same view on faith (my most important deal breaker). And we are both entrepreneurs which I love because he understands the struggle and hard work. Don’t expect him to be in front of the camera anytime soon though 😉
With all that to say… The main reason I’m writing this post is to give some encouragement to all the single ladies out there who think they’ll never be in a relationship again. Believe me, I could easily be single again. A million things could happen that might make this relationship not work out. But, there could also be a million things that do make it work. You never know… What I DO KNOW… And what you should know too… IT WILL HAPPEN.
I strongly encourage any of you single ladies to go look at my Instagram stories highlights about “single life” and this book I just shared from Lynette Lewis. It’s sooooo encouraging! And, it’ll help you deal with some things that you may be pushing aside. Like, if you aren’t whole should you really be with someone else until you are whole and happy with yourself?
This Valentine’s Day my challenge to any single ladies is this:
WRITE YOURSELF A LOVE LETTER. LIST ALL OF THE QUALITIES YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF.
Then next time you’re in a relationship look back at that love letter often. If he doesn’t love and value those things about you then “bye”. Let’s be real… For those of us over the age of 30 we don’t got time to waste!